5 New Year’s Resolutions Everyone in Washington Can Keep

Damn near everyone makes a New Year's Resolution, but most of us by March have already failed. But if you plan to fail and succeed, which have you done, failed or succeeded? We have some New Year's Resolutions that might be hard to fail in the upcoming year. Check them out below.

A New Year, A New You… Maybe

We’re about to flip the page on the calendar for a brand new year. A new year, a new you, right? Maybe a slightly used year. Or a “Pre-Loved” year. We don’t need anything new; when it’s new, it tends to get broken faster. So let’s just keep, keeping on.

I’ve thought about it, and crunched the numbers, and since statistically speaking, only 9% of people who make resolutions actually make it through the full year with them intact, I’ve come up with 5 things that are almost 100% foolproof when it comes to succeeding with our goals in the next year.

Resolution #5 Pay More On Stuff

Whether it’s gas, eggs, or streaming services, it’s a pretty safe bet and easy resolution to keep that you’re going to be paying more on stuff in the upcoming year. And even if you cut way back and tighten your belt, to better your financial life… the government and taxes will put a stop to those plans!

Resolution #4 Sleep Less

This one MIGHT be hard to achieve, but knowing how busy life is, it’ll probably just get busier, and there are only so many hours in the day to get stuff done.

READ MORE: New Year, New You! New Years Resolutions You Can Strive For To Better Yourself & Community!

Resolution #3 Worry More

With all the stuff being thrown your way, you’re going to stress about it and worry more. This might help with Resolution #4.

Resolution #2 Get Angrier At People

The way the world is right now, dividing us and making us choose a side, even the people that you agree with on 99% of the stuff, might make you so mad about that 1%. Even though we’ll try not to, you’re going to get annoyed and angry with someone. This can also help with Resolutions #4 and #3.

On a personal note, just because someone has a different life experience and has different thoughts than you, does not mean they are evil or out to get you. We’ve forgotten the old adage about waking a mile in someone else’s shoes.

Resolution #1 Gaining Weight

Unless you’re sick (which I hope you are not, and this article is written purely as satire), you’re going to be gaining more weight. No matter how hard you work out, you’ll gain more weight. Muscle weighs more than fat, so you’ll be gaining weight in that area (even though losing it in others). If you’re not working out but just pounding the bag of chips, boom, you’re right on target.

Bonus Resolution: Laugh More

Hope you’re able to do this in the upcoming year. Laughing and drinking water are truly two of the best things you can do for yourself, mentally and physically. Happy New Years to all of my Washington State neighbors.

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