"Fatherless" on Father's Day in Washington State

If there's one thing, I can say about myself, it's that I don't have a "dad," I have 2.

Technically speaking, I have 3. A biological dad, a "Dad" whom I call dad and my Stepfather. (keeping up?) For privacy sakes, I'll keep their names private.

I should also add, the dramatic title is due to the fact that I work for a company that requires us to write about Washington State, and well, all this took place in WA.

What's up with the title then if the author has "3 dads"?

Because, when your Biological Father leaves you at a month old, that void, is never filled.

Thank you for not coming in and out of my life - Aly

The quote above is from the first conversation I had with, we will call him "biodad", back when I was 24, I'm now 34, and that has been the last conversation since.

I didn't even know what he looked like until I was 24.

If someone in your life is toxic, and they leave, you feel a breeze of fresh air and it almost feels like the weight of the world is lifted right? But then they come back for some reason or another, and it's like all the healing you thought you had accomplished, you have to do all over again.

That's why I thanked him for staying away.

Father's Day comes and goes every year. We know this.

Sunday, June 16th, Father's Day 2024.

"More than a quarter of the 121 million men in the United States are biological fathers of at least one child under the age of 18." Source

121 million men in the US are Father's, let that sink in.

No matter their stance in someone's lives, Father's make a huge impact, they are our protectors, "breadwinners", our forever catch partner, The man who teaches us daughters how we should be treated as women.

Fathers are amazing, and I thank the universe every day for blessing me with Two Father's that decided to step up to the plate and STAY.

What my absent father has taught me, is bittersweet.

You've heard of the term "Ghosted" right? Pretty sure biodad invented the word. In turn, it has allowed me to feel "ok" to cut people off and walk away like they never existed. Because I was taught at such a young age that, you can in fact do that to someone.

I can't tell you how many times I fight off the thought, "daddy issues." Because in my actual reality, I don't have "daddy issues," I have my dad's... They love me and they show me that,

Great Fathers Do Exist.

I say all of this to kind of clear my head if you will. I don't know your walk of life, but I know mine, and as unique as my experience may be, so is yours, and you are capable of all things you don't even know possible.

Don't Fill the Void, Heal the Void.

Just like any huge trauma wound to the body, it will leave a scar. Not knowing my biodad has left a hole, but one that I am able to heal into a scar.

I will wear my scar proudly because man, at 34, I'm finally realizing that it's ok to not be ok.

I could sit here and be bitter and go off at what a piece of sh#$ I think this person may be, but that's not in my nature.

I give grace to allow myself to heal, move forward and smile.

Let's face the facts here. Biodad was 18 as well and having his second child (My older sister, I met when I was in 7th grade, that's a story for a different article though, She's amazing and I'm so proud of her.) Biodad was scared af! But not only scared, his ever need to manipulate, destroy and lie got the best of him, and in turn, lost me, and my sister for that matter.

I'm the product of love. While I know my mother loves me to the moon and further, he will never be allowed to, at least not in the way he may hope for.

If you're a dad, thank you for showing up for your kids.

If you are a dad fighting to get custody, you got this.

If you are a dad who shows up every day, no matter what because, "Those are your kids, no matter what," Thank you. You are doing more by being present than you will ever realize.